The Gender Secret Read online

  As soon as she was done, I snatched the packet from her hands and retreated to my room, grating out a very insincere thank you as I did so. As I closed the door, I saw her smirk at me, a mischievous twinkle playing in her luminous gray eyes, and I grit my teeth, closing the door.

  I got dressed quickly. The clothes were dirty and soaked with blood, but it was all I had. While I dressed, I tried to get Violet’s bare skin and the feel of her hands on my back out of my head. It was hard, but I managed.

  I opened the door and stepped into the hall, to find Violet waiting. “You ready?” I asked, keeping my voice more clipped than necessary.

  She nodded, and pulled her gun out of her pocket, checking the magazine. I did the same.

  We stood there for a second, staring at each other. Violet went up on her tip toes and pressed her mouth against mine for a chaste kiss.

  “Sorry,” she whispered as she lowered herself back down.

  I nodded wordlessly, and nodded my head to the door, unable to speak for fear of unleashing all of my pent up passion on her. She nodded, and headed toward the door while I followed from behind, trying to keep my mind on the mission at hand.

  22

  Violet

  I didn’t know what I had been doing teasing Viggo like that. It had to be some form of temporary insanity brought on by sleep deprivation. It hadn’t been intentional, but when I had heard his breathing change after I turned and presented my back, I felt a flush of pleasure that I could make him respond to me like that.

  I had to touch him. He never said that we couldn’t apply the powder directly, so I did, taking my time to dab it on each wound. His back was sculpted and muscular, just like his front. The track of his spine was a deep valley that ran from his neck to his tailbone, and framed by two divots in his lower back.

  I had been so mesmerized by those divots that I almost forgot that there was a medical need for him to be exposed to me.

  I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts from the intense urges overcoming me. My exhaustion was causing a clear impulse control problem in me. At least, I hoped it was the exhaustion.

  The thought that I couldn’t control myself around Viggo frightened me. It gave him a power over me, one that would make me vulnerable. I couldn’t trust it.

  My hands were shaking as I finished applying the medicine. I felt guilty as he moved away from me, his eyes downcast.

  It was why I had apologized. We hadn’t really talked about us. Save for a few kisses that had completely unhinged me, I had no idea where we stood. The dynamic had certainly shifted, but that didn’t mean that he necessarily was interested in me like that, right?

  Not to mention, I had been part of a plot to set him up. He was struggling with it: I could tell from his actions and reactions. Yet there was something there—some chemistry that kept drawing us together. He had to feel it too, gauging from his reaction in the hallway. I just wasn’t sure if it was even possible at this point. I had betrayed his trust in a very intimate way—was there any coming back from that?

  I quietly laughed at myself as I pushed open the door. My brooding was useless: I was focusing on the wrong thing. I could deal with my feelings about Viggo later. Right now, we needed to check out this facility.

  The next door led to a stairwell, leading down. Like the previous level of the facility, it had a very industrial feel to it. The steps were corrugated metal but solid. I moved down the stairs, keeping the wall at my back. Looking down the next flight, I saw another door waiting.

  Still no sign of people. Come to think of it—I didn’t see any cameras either. Frowning, I examined the ceiling closely, looking for anything that loosely resembled a security feature.

  “Viggo, do you see any cameras or anything?” I asked.

  He looked around, his green eyes searching. After a moment, he frowned. “No. That’s weird.”

  I nodded in wordless agreement. This facility was designed for secrecy—it was built in a place no one could easily survive—so why wouldn’t they put up cameras to ensure that no one accidentally stumbled upon it?

  That could explain why no one had come up to confront us though.

  I moved down the steps to the next door, Viggo following me. We exchanged a glance, and pulled it open. He moved in first, and I followed.

  This level had a similar configuration to the first, without the suit chamber at the end. As a result, the hall was longer. Unlike the medical suites, there were no windows on the wall, just door after door. The floor was also covered in a deep navy carpet. Viggo opened the first door on the left, revealing a bedroom. I opened the one on the right, revealing another bedroom.

  I stepped inside. There was an inner door, leading to a bathroom, a wardrobe, a desk, and a bookshelf. It was cozy, almost homey, with personal touches here and there to help enforce the feeling of home. It was clearly designed to be lived in long term.

  Yet things were messy in both rooms, clothes strewn about. There was no indication of who had stayed there. There were no computers on the desk. I flipped up a picture, featuring a woman and two children—one girl and one boy. The frame was intact, but the glass was broken. It had been knocked over.

  “This is kind of spooky,” I murmured, giving voice to my thoughts.

  Viggo made a grunt of agreement. “It looks like they left in a hurry,” he said after a moment.

  “So, do you think they abandoned the facility?”

  He shrugged. “Maybe they went back to Matrus for Queen Rina’s funeral.”

  “Hm. But to leave it completely empty like this?”

  He stared down the hallway, his face pensive. “I don’t know,” he replied.

  “What if they are Patrian, and they abandoned the facility after the bombing? Too much risk for exposure?”

  Viggo considered this and nodded. “It’s possible. It’s a risky gambit though.”

  “What better place to hide than in someone’s backyard,” I said blithely.

  He looked at me from the corner of his eye, the corner of his lip upturned. “We have no evidence either way.”

  “Maybe there will be something on a lower level?”

  Viggo met my eyes, and I could see the doubt there. “Maybe,” he said.

  I led the way back to the hallway after casting one long glance at the bathroom. The thought of a shower was a compelling enough reason to work quickly. I promised myself that I would return soon, and then moved down the hall to the next door.

  We moved cautiously to the next floor.

  “This design is smart,” Viggo remarked.

  I shot him a look. “How do you mean?”

  “Well, each set of stairs is a natural choke point and you have to pass through each level to get down them. If someone enters, they have to follow this path no matter what. It gives the people a better chance of defense. If you can seal them in, or set up a defense in time, you can essentially stop them before they do too much damage.”

  I contemplated the design while he opened the door. It sounded smart, but to me, it felt like a trap. With no way to quickly move up and down through the levels, any catastrophe happening in the middle would spell death for the inhabitants.

  The door opened silently, and immediately, the rich smell of wet dirt filled our nostrils. We exchanged looks, and then I slipped through the door, my gun pointed at the floor.

  This room took up the entire length and width of the room above, but had an open floor space. It was brimming with life in the form of trees and plants. I realized a second afterward that all the plants were food, and the trees were producing fruit.

  We were probably thirty or forty feet down, which meant it was some sort of hydroponic greenhouse. There were likely ultraviolet lights that acted as sunlight. I had worked on a hydroponic farm once—but the yields from the harvest were nothing like this. The plant life here was flourishing.

  “This is amazing. Violet, have you ever seen a farm like this?”

  I nodded, my eyes taking in the variety of p
lant life. “I visited one as part of my re-education program, but it wasn’t this successful.”

  Viggo turned his head to look at me, a questioning look on his face. “What do you think makes it so successful?”

  I shook my head. “No idea. I’m not a botanist. I just picked the stuff.”

  “So does that mean this place might not be a Matrian facility?”

  Biting my lip, I shook my head. “If not a Matrian one, then who do you think it belongs to?”

  Viggo considered the question and then shrugged. “It seems most likely that it is Matrian, but it is entirely possible it’s Patrian. We should keep our eyes peeled for any evidence either way.”

  I nodded in wordless agreement. Reaching up, I plucked a huge shiny red apple from the tree. When we got produce from Patrus, it was normally the worst parts of the crop. When I’d lived there, I had been pleasantly surprised by the quality of the produce they had.

  My stomach growled suddenly and loudly, reminding me that for the past four days, I had eaten nothing but protein gel. Opening my mouth, I bit into the apple, letting the taste and juice explode on my tongue. I moaned in pleasure as I blithely chewed the sweet flesh.

  Viggo gaped at me. “Violet, we have no idea if that is safe to eat,” he hissed.

  I shrugged at him, and took another bite. Viggo sighed, and continued to look around, while I ate my apple.

  I ate it down to the core, and when it was finished, I found a composting bin, and dropped the core in, letting out a soft burp.

  Viggo gave a surprised chuckle and I looked at him. “What?”

  He shook his head.

  “No Patrian woman would ever burp in front of a man? Why, is it punishable by death?”

  “No, it’s just considered rude and unclassy.”

  I rolled my eyes. “It’s gas. Everyone has it.”

  Viggo chuckled and nodded. “I like that you don’t feel the need to hide who you are,” he said.

  I paused, his words sending a little thrill of pleasure through me. I felt a blush forming on my cheeks.

  He held my gaze for a second, his jade eyes bright in spite of the dark shadows that had formed underneath.

  I suppressed the urge to go to him, but I wanted to. Now wasn’t the time or the place, but my thoughts kept circling around what was between us. I couldn’t begin to process it, not with the lack of sleep I was trying to function on. I broke the silence and closed the compost bin.

  “This level is clear,” I said, sweeping an errant strand of hair from my eyes and tucking it behind my ear.

  Viggo exhaled loudly, and then crossed over to the next door. “You ready?” he asked, leaning against the wall next to the door.

  I crossed over to him, and twisted the hand wheel, opening the door.

  We made our way down yet another identical stairwell, our shoes loud on the steps. Even though we hadn’t finished searching the rest of the facility, I was pretty certain that there was no one there. However, it was better to be cautious than wrong.

  I was glad Viggo was here: I was sure I would’ve been too nervous to do this alone. When he was around, I felt more comfortable. I believed that he had my back. I fully believed that he wasn’t going to take me back to Patrus. At least, not to turn me in, anyway. Everything I knew about him told me he wouldn’t—couldn’t—consign another female to hang. It felt strange—like the ghost of his wife was somehow influencing his decisions about me. I wasn’t sure how to handle that.

  Of course, we hadn’t really talked about Patrus or the egg or anything since our fight earlier today, so I had no idea what he was planning, if anything. Had it even been today? It felt like years ago.

  Suddenly, a wave of dizziness surged over me, and I sagged against the wall. Viggo was there immediately, his hands on my shoulders.

  “Violet?”

  I shook my head, waving him off. “Sorry, I just got a little dizzy.”

  He frowned, a furrow forming between his brows. “I’m worried. Maybe we should stop. I think I can jam the door mechanisms if you want. Then you can get some rest.”

  I licked my lips, thinking. We had no idea how deep this facility was, and once we were done, we would have to climb back upstairs and through each level. My legs began aching with the thought.

  “Let’s clear this room. We’ll secure the door here, and head back upstairs.”

  Without waiting for his response, I pulled the door open to the next room. He gave a soft curse behind me as I strode in, but followed behind me.

  Like the level above, the floor plan was more open. It was a wide space, filled with book cases, tables, sofas, a kitchen, and a large table.

  “This must be the common area,” I said, as I took a step down onto the plush white carpet. Everything in here was designed to be comfortable. It had everything a person might need to entertain themselves, and more.

  “It’s nice,” commented Viggo, as his eyes scanned the room. We searched through it, looking at all the things. Most of the books were science-related, but there were a few fictional titles scattered here and there. There were also games, stacked neatly on a shelf.

  “They were here for the long haul,” I realized, my fingers tracing over the lines of boxes.

  “Yeah, they definitely stayed here for a while, whoever they were.”

  I frowned. “I thought this was some sort of research facility, but it doesn’t make any sense.”

  “How do you mean?”

  “Well… if they were researching The Green, they wouldn’t have put the living quarters and food toward the top. Too dangerous—you’d want to put yourself as far from danger as possible right.”

  Viggo considered this, cracking open the door to the refrigerator. “I suppose you’re right. Then what do you think they were doing?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know.” A yawn caught me by surprise, one of those long slow ones that gripped my entire body. I stretched as it happened, well aware of Viggo’s eyes on me.

  “Okay. I think we need to be done now,” I said once it had finished.

  I heard Viggo doing something to the door, and looked over to see that he had jammed a long metal rod against the mechanism. He twisted the handle, giving a satisfied nod when it locked, and turned back to me.

  “Come on,” he said, reaching out his hand. I took it, marveling at how big it was compared to my own.

  He led me back through the sitting area and to the door, opening it. Then we made our way back upstairs.

  As we climbed, wave after wave of dizziness and exhaustion washed over me, and I felt myself falling, until Viggo’s strong arms grabbed me, and he lifted me up, carrying me. With a little sigh, I tucked my head under his chin, and felt the world fade away.

  23

  Viggo

  I trudged upstairs with Violet fast asleep in my arms. I wasn’t even sure how I was propelling myself forward at this point, but somehow I made it back to the living quarters.

  Placing Violet in an empty bed, I tucked her in, smoothing her hair out of her face. She gave a little un-ladylike snore, shifted to one side under the blanket, and settled back down. I smiled down at her.

  She looked so peaceful at that moment. The constant torment that she had endured was melting away. I took another moment to soak her in, and then made my way upstairs. There were a few more things I needed to do before sleep claimed me.

  I secured the door leading from the decontamination room to the inner hall in a similar fashion to the one downstairs, and then went back to check on Ms. Dale. Color had returned to her skin, so I removed the patches from her. I checked her fingertips and toes to make sure blood was circulating well, and hooked up a second IV bag, so that when the first one drained, the second one would start working.

  After that, I headed back downstairs. It was tempting to crawl into bed, but I wanted a shower first. I still somehow had energy to burn. I searched through the rooms, and eventually found one that contained clothes that would fit me.

  I sta
ggered into the bathroom, and turned on the shower. The pelting of the water on my back, rinsing me clean, was just what I needed. I could feel the sticky residue from the foam dissolve under the water pressure. Dirt and blood and grime fell from my body, forming a pool at my feet. I compressed the soap dispenser, and scrubbed my skin, determined to remove all of it.

  It took washing myself twice to feel clean—I had to wash my hair three times, but finally, when I rinsed off, the water coming off me was clear.

  I shut off the water, and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around my waist. The mirror had fogged up, but I used my hands to cut through the water droplets that had collected, wiping it clean.

  The face staring back at me was that of a stranger’s, it seemed. The beard that had been growing in the last few days was rough and a little bit wild. The area under my eyes was dark. I looked almost sinister, like an evil villain from a play.

  I ran a hand over my face and sighed. I needed to remain awake. The shower had refreshed me slightly, at least.

  Toweling off, I shrugged on the black workout pants and white t-shirt I had found. Both were a bit snug, but I wasn’t worried about them tearing, and wandered back to the bedroom where Violet was sleeping.

  I leaned against the doorframe, resting my head against it, watching her. She was fast asleep, lying on her side. One hand was curled next to her head, the other wrapped around her waist. The rest of the bed was empty, like an open invitation.

  I eyed it, wondering how Violet would feel if she woke up next to me.

  I decided to deal with it in the morning, and sat down on the bed next to her. I shoved a pillow behind my lower back, and sat with my upper back against the wall. If I stayed in this position, I would be unlikely to sleep.

  Violet made a soft sound, and then turned toward me, placing her face on my thigh, using it as a pillow. I stroked her hair softly while she slept.

  I wasn’t sure if it was the sound of Violet’s even breathing or my own state of exhaustion, but I suddenly came awake with a jerk. I wasn’t sure how long I had been asleep, but something had woken me in such a way that my body was on full alert.