The Girl Who Dared to Stand Read online

  Eric blinked several times as he let his eyes adjust, and then immediately focused on me, giving me a onceover. “Are you okay? Why didn’t you say anything? You just left me standing.”

  “I’m sorry. I was thinking.”

  “About the meeting?” he asked excitedly. “How did it go? What did they want to talk about?”

  “A lot,” I said. “And it’s a lot to sort through, too. I’m… I’m not sure I’m ready to talk about it just yet.”

  His face fell as I spoke, the excitement and eagerness evaporating. “Oh. So it wasn’t a very good meeting, then?”

  “Honestly, Eric…” I trailed off, my mouth dry. “I think that it actually was.”

  It was in the sense that the deal was now on the table, and I had a better understanding of who was involved. The rest of it, however… It was a lot to process.

  Eric absorbed that for a second or two, and smiled. “Hey, that’s great! Our luck had to change at some point, right?”

  I smiled—how could I not in the face of such sunny optimism?—and let him wrap an arm around my shoulder.

  “Don’t look so down, Liana,” he said soothingly. “Whatever it is they want, it can’t be that bad. Besides, we’re in this together. You aren’t alone.”

  Did that mean we were going to kill Devon together? My stomach churned at the idea. My stomach had been churning since the mention of Devon’s name, and I couldn’t blame it. In no universe did I ever want to see that man again. Not after what he did to Cali, detaching her lash and casting her down into the river. To her death.

  The idea of letting any of my friends anywhere near him was repulsive, too. Eric’s suggestion that I wouldn’t be doing this alone was nice, but far from reassuring. He didn’t know what we were up against. He didn’t know what they wanted from me.

  And Lacey had warned me not to tell him, or any of them, about any of it.

  I considered telling them anyway, but I couldn’t chance that Lacey or Strum would retaliate. They were willing to use a criminal like me to go after another member of the council. I had no doubt they’d go to great lengths to ensure the information remained a secret.

  Maybe I could tell everyone about it as vaguely as possible, but I didn’t want to be the type of person, let alone leader, who left important information out of decision-making, or one who decided things unilaterally.

  But this was big. It was big and it was dangerous. I felt miles out of my depth.

  I didn’t want this weighing on me, I suddenly realized. I would do anything to pass it off to someone else and hide. But it wasn’t anyone else’s burden. It was mine. I had to do it. I had to be the one to make the choice to kill someone.

  My stomach roiled, and I turned away from Eric, suddenly unable to breathe as the reality of what they wanted me to do set in. They wanted me to murder Devon Alexander. In cold blood.

  Much like he had wanted me to do to Grey.

  And if I didn’t, I was condemning myself and everyone else to continue living as criminals, scraping by on the Tower’s castoffs while planning some mad scheme for escape!

  I shuddered, and felt Eric’s strong hand on my shoulder. “Liana?” he asked, his voice brimming with concern. “Tell me what’s going on.”

  I shrugged him off and took another step away. “Don’t,” I said, when I heard him move to follow. I knew I was scaring him, but it felt like I was drowning. Like there was too much oxygen in the room, or not enough, and I was struggling to find my breath.

  My hands were shaking, and I realized I was on the verge of having an anxiety attack. The instant I recognized the signs, I felt the tension ease somewhat, and I was able to drive the panic back. Still, I was afraid. Truly and deeply afraid that no matter what decision I made, it was going to go horribly wrong.

  And that I would die knowing I had killed my friends.

  “Liana, tell me what’s wrong.”

  I looked back at Eric to find him standing there, his fists clenched in frustration as he held himself back from doing what came naturally, and comforting someone he cared about.

  I stared at him, and realized that as desperately as I needed someone, anyone, to talk to, I wasn’t about to jeopardize my friends by revealing the truth to them. Not right now.

  But that meant I had to keep it together, and come up with a really good reason for my behavior just moments before. I sucked in a deep breath, and then shook my head, forcing the tension in my body to recede.

  “I’m fine,” I said, filling my voice with reassurance and confidence. “I’m sorry. It’s just been a long night, and what we talked about was a lot to take in.”

  Eric cocked his head at me. “O… kay?” He looked around the hall. “Who were they?”

  I hesitated. I didn’t want to tell him, but I didn’t want to lie either. “They asked me not to say,” I said finally, settling on something technically true. “In fact, a lot of what they said I can’t talk about. They made it very clear that they don’t want any of the details of this known until afterward.”

  Eric frowned. “Surely, we can discuss it at home, right? It’s got that paint stuff.”

  “The paint stuff works against the net signals,” I said, nodding down the hall and signaling we should start moving. I waited for him to walk, then stepped in next to him, my shorter legs working hard to keep up with his pace. “I have no idea if it can also defend against listening technology. But that’s really beside the point.”

  “Okay.” Eric paused before asking, “What is the point?”

  “That they asked me not to tell anyone about them. I’m not entirely sure that I’m going to take them up on their offer yet, but until then, I don’t think it would be good for me to break their trust by immediately betraying them to my friends.”

  “Oh God,” Eric said, dismayed. “This is turning into politics, isn’t it?”

  I chuckled. He wasn’t wrong, but he wasn’t right either. “It sort of is, but that’s what happens when two different groups meet up. Politics.”

  “Gross. That must’ve been… fun. Did they mention what they wanted?”

  “Yes,” I said, my heart picking up speed. “But I can’t tell you that either.”

  I watched him closely, trying to gauge his reaction, but his face remained thoughtful. “Did you ask if they could help us with Maddox?”

  I wet my lower lip. Telling him I had reconsidered after what I had learned could cause him to ask more questions that I wasn’t prepared to answer.

  “I think we’re on our own,” I said, and he nodded, his mouth tight.

  “Then we should get back,” he announced. “Get everyone up to speed and figure out a plan for Maddox.”

  I felt surprised he would be finished asking questions just like that, and looked at him suspiciously. “Why aren’t you trying to get more information about the meeting out of me?” I asked.

  Eric gave me a look that was just shy of pitying. “Because you have Quess, Zoe, and Grey waiting to find out what happened during the meeting, and I’m guessing that the same questions I have now, they’ll have soon. I figured I’d just wait until we were all together, so that we weren’t hounding you with the same questions over and over again.”

  “Gee,” I muttered, my stomach sinking as I realized he was right. “I appreciate the thoughtfulness, I guess.”

  Eric grinned. “That’s me,” he said, holding his arms out wide. “Mr. Thoughtful. Now, let’s go. I’ll even be quiet now so you can stress out about what you’re going to say to everyone in such a way that allows you to keep your secrets under intense lines of questioning.”

  I rolled my eyes and shoved my hands in my pockets, but in my heart, I was glad Eric had voluntarily given me a little space. Because he was right. I was going to need it if I was going to both convince and reassure everyone that I had things well in hand.

  Even though I clearly did not.

  22

  “What happened?” Grey asked as Eric and I climbed out of the narrow vent opening
and into the common area. I straightened slowly, my muscles stiff and aching from all the exertion from the last twenty-four hours, and looked around. Zoe was sitting with Tian on her lap in one of the corners, but her attention was on us. I didn’t see Quess.

  “Where’s Quess?” I asked.

  “I’m here! Just—ow!” There was the sound of metal clattering, followed by the sound of Quess grumbling angrily. The sound of his voice grew nearer, and a moment later the curtain was lifted to one side, revealing Quess. “You’re back safe,” he said with a smile. “Good. What happened? Are they going to help Maddox?”

  There was hope in his eyes, and I hated telling him no, but I shook my head anyway and watched the hope die.

  “Really?” he asked, his features dropping. “God, I was hoping they’d come through for us. We haven’t really had much luck brainstorming a plan.”

  “You haven’t?” I looked at the three of them, noting their deep exhaustion, and sighed. “That’s okay. Now that Eric and I are back, we’ll come up with something, I’m sure of it. Why don’t you just walk me through all of the things you’ve discussed.”

  “Oh, sure, I actually wrote a few of the better ones down. Do you want to—”

  “Aren’t you forgetting something?” Zoe asked, interrupting Quess, and he turned. I remained still, knowing that I was the target of Zoe’s question, not Quess, and prayed that Quess managed to inadvertently deflect the conversation away. I needed more time to figure out what I was going to say. Everything I had come up with just came out generic, and I knew that wasn’t going to fly.

  “No, I don’t think—” Quess began, before Grey cut him off.

  “She was talking to Liana. And before we get into saving Maddox, I, for one, would like to know how this meeting went with our new friends.”

  I exhaled slowly, and turned. “We had a conversation,” I said simply. “They want me to do something for them. Now, can we please get back to—”

  “What do they want you to do?” Zoe asked from where she was seated on the floor. Tian’s head was in her lap, Zoe’s fingers in her hair. The girl’s eyes were closed, but I could tell she had been crying. And from the sad look on Zoe’s face, she’d been sitting with her through all of it.

  “Nothing that needs to be done right now,” I replied honestly. “Listen, I know you want to know everything that happened, and who I met with, but they asked me to keep what we discussed to myself, and I have chosen to respect that, for now. In the meantime, I think we really need to focus on—”

  “Why do they want you to keep it secret?” Grey asked, his face a careful mask.

  “Because it’s dangerous.”

  “For you?”

  I bit my lip. I hadn’t lied to them so far, and I wasn’t about to now. I was a good liar, but… I couldn’t lie to them. Standing here giving half answers was bad enough.

  “Potentially,” I admitted. “But that really doesn’t matter right now, Grey. What does is Doxy. We should be focusing on her.”

  “Yes, we should be doing that,” Zoe agreed with a slow nod. “But not until you tell me what you are thinking about this meeting.” I opened my mouth, intent on reminding her that I wasn’t going to reveal any details to her, when she held up a hand, stopping me. “I want your feelings—that’s all.”

  I exhaled and folded my arms across my chest, thinking. “Honestly, I don’t know. What they want is huge, but what they’re offering is just as much, and it would help us out a lot.”

  “What are they offering?” Quess asked.

  “I can’t tell you that,” I replied. “But it’s good.”

  “Worth the price?”

  Shifting my weight back and forth, I stared at Grey. “I-I’m honestly not sure,” I said. Devon was a monster, yes, and he deserved to be punished for what he had done. Maybe death was a good punishment, but as the one being asked to deliver it, I had to wonder if there wasn’t another way.

  Especially considering Devon was Maddox’s father. I wasn’t sure how she’d react to that bit of news, and I wasn’t sure how she’d feel—happy he was dead, sad he was gone, or angry that she never got the chance to avenge her mom’s death. I wasn’t sure, and I was pretty certain I didn’t want to find out.

  I glanced around the room, and realized that everyone was waiting for my explanation. I sighed and shook my head. “Look, it’s kind of hard to decide whether or not we should take a deal with anyone when we don’t really have our own plan to begin with. This might not be the right time discuss this, but making any sort of decision on behalf of the group without having a set plan of action in mind for the future doesn’t work.”

  It was an excuse, albeit a good one, but one I hoped would get everyone off my back.

  “We have a plan,” Grey said. “We get the Paragon back up and running and get out of here.”

  “Hey, whoa,” Quess said, arching an eyebrow. “Don’t get me wrong—out sounds nice. But so does not subjecting ourselves to radiation and almost certain death from exposure to the sun or any wildlife that survived the End. Besides, we have another option now—we have Leo! We should work on him to replace Scipio!”

  “Right conversation, wrong time,” I announced before either of them could start getting carried away. “Look, we need Paragon in either case, so that will be our next move. We’ll sit down and talk about it. After we get Maddox back. Is that acceptable to everyone?”

  It took Grey longer than everyone else, but eventually he nodded too. The delay bothered me, but at least he wasn’t showing any of that anger he had before. He’d talk to me later about what he was feeling.

  “Of course it is,” Quess said softly. “But, Liana, we have no idea how to get her back! The common spaces are too large to rely on lashes to help, and grabbing a prisoner just outside of the Citadel guarantees that we won’t get away. I’ve tried looking at it objectively, but—”

  I nodded as he trailed off, indicating that I understood he had thought of everything, my mind spinning. He was right. The common places were too difficult to retrieve a person from not one, but two hostile enemies. No matter where it happened, it would be between the two structures, and heading out there to retrieve her without at least ten more people to help control the environment was impossible.

  If only we could get them to take her somewhere else, not the Core or the Citadel, but…

  I paused, and then smiled, an idea occurring to me.

  “Guys, I think I have an idea,” I said.

  “Just like that?” Quess’s brows rose in shock.

  “What is it?” a small voice asked. I looked over and saw Tian sitting up, her eyes wide and already beginning to sparkle with hope. I hesitated.

  “You’re not going to like it, Tian,” I told her.

  “Why not?” she asked innocently.

  I sighed. “Because… we’re going to have to hurt Maddox, to help her.”

  “What?” Quess demanded.

  “It’s protocol,” I replied with a smile. “If someone gets injured while under arrest by the Knights, they have to take them to the Medica for treatment.”

  “You want to go back to the Medica?” Grey asked, looking at me incredulously.

  “Why not? They aren’t looking for us there anymore. They are looking in the Core—everyone is. I think this will work, guys. Instead of trying to fight the Knights who go to retrieve her, and any Inquisition agents who come, we rig something to injure Maddox, forcing them to take her to Medica for treatment. It will require two teams, though—one to injure her, and one to be waiting for them inside of the Medica.”

  “That’s actually really smart,” Grey said after a moment. “Once she’s there, there’ll be a limited number of Knights in the room. And we can use Jasper to help us.”

  “Who’s Jasper?” Eric interjected, confused.

  “We’ll explain,” Grey replied, before focusing back on me.

  I hesitated. “We can ask Jasper to help us,” I hedged. “But I was thinking the same thing. Be
sides… this also gives us an opportunity to get the other thing we need: the formula for Paragon.”

  23

  I was sitting in my hammock, waiting for Mercury’s call during the scheduled five-minute window we turned the anchor on for, when my net started buzzing. I looked down at my wrist in time to see my brother’s name appear, and then he overrode it, connecting automatically.

  “Would you do that if I were Zoe or Eric?” I asked, keeping my voice low so as not to disturb anyone sleeping around me, and I was greeted by a warm laugh.

  His warm laugh.

  Relief washed over me knowing that my brother was okay and that Mercury hadn’t lied, and also that Mercury had given him access to the private network Quess had set up so that they could contact us. I had not forgotten that I still hadn’t talked to Alex since before the Core, and I was worried sick that my being there had somehow gotten him in trouble.

  They’re not my twin, he said. Are you okay?

  “I’m fine. It’s you I’m worried about. Mercury said they identified me. Did they question you?”

  They did—but before you ask, I’m pretty sure they believed me. My ranking is still high, and I just stuck with the story that I hadn’t heard from you since before Gerome’s death. They’ll tear apart my computer systems for a few days, but I’ll be fine.

  “But I had to use your Lead’s name!”

  Relax, Liana, I have a few recorded conversations between us where I mention him by name several times. They just chalked it up to you paying attention, and me missing the signs that my twin was a soon-to-be dissident.

  “You know, I’m not sure what bothers me more about that statement—the fact that you have recorded conversations between us, or that they expected you to catch and turn in your twin.”

  People do it, Liana, he said sadly, and my love for him grew even larger, encompassing the whole of my torso until I could almost imagine him hugging me. My brother wasn’t like everyone else in the Tower, and I loved him for it. I loved that he was confident enough in himself and his convictions to recognize right from wrong, and then act upon it.