The Gender Lie Read online

  We all looked around, checking to make sure we were okay. Owen’s gaze slid over mine and a small smile formed on his lips—I imagined how disheveled and panicked I must have looked, and relaxed my features. My only experience with boats was with the one that took me to Patrus. Had that been so recently? It had actually only been a little over a month ago, but it felt like a lifetime.

  Alejandro sauntered up, his rolling gait confident as he moved. He was definitely a man of the river—every time I tried to stand up or walk, it was in the form of a controlled stumble. I couldn’t anticipate where the deck would be as the boat was constantly being rocked by the turbulent waters below.

  “We’re through the worst of it,” Alejandro announced. “Should be a peaceful trip to your drop-off point.”

  Owen nodded in acknowledgment and turned back to Solomon.

  I frowned, and looked up at the old man. “Thank you,” I said.

  Alejandro tipped his head to me, the glare that he had been directing at Owen and his rudeness dissipating. “Think nothing of it, my girl,” he said.

  “No,” I said, moving unsteadily on my feet. “It really is generous of you to risk your life and your boat for us. I understand that we’re paying you to, but I can also imagine that some jobs aren’t worth the risk. I, for one, appreciate the sacrifice.”

  Alejandro flushed behind the clear plastic face of his mask. He whipped off his hat and ran an embarrassed hand through his white hair. “You’re much more sociable than your compatriots,” he said after the red of his cheeks had faded.

  I gave a small laugh. “Well, let’s just say they take their work very seriously.”

  “And you?”

  Ducking my head, I shrugged. “I’m serious… but being serious is no cause for being rude.”

  He guffawed and clapped me on the arm. It was my turn to blush—not from his laugh or even staggering under the force of his hand on me, but from the attention I was drawing from Owen and the others. I gave them a small shrug, and after a questioning gaze, they turned away.

  I could tell Owen didn’t approve of me talking to Alejandro, but I didn’t really care. The man seemed sweet, if not a little eccentric, and since no one else seemed interested in talking to pass the time, I was going to make do where I could. Owen just needed to trust that I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize the mission.

  Just like I needed to trust that he knew what he was doing, and that he wasn’t doing anything to set me up.

  It was unfair to Owen, but I couldn’t help feel a little doubt. The last mission I’d been on with a partner had ended with me having to kill him, and I wasn’t eager to relive that experience. I did trust Owen, but the doubt was always there in the back of my mind. I knew it wasn’t rational, but drawing from history was never a bad thing. It kept me from blindly trusting people, and helped me keep an eye out for potential threats to me or the mission.

  Alejandro moved back to the captain’s station, and I followed him. I moved at a slower pace, my legs and arms stiff and ungainly against the roll of the deck. He shot a glance back at me, a knowing smile on his lips.

  “You have to bend your knees, girl,” he said. “You look like one of those wooden puppets on strings, but the river is alive, and your arms and legs need to be alive if you’re going to master her.”

  I couldn’t resist the urge to smile. “Have you mastered her yet?” I asked.

  “Oh, no… no one can ever master a great beauty like this. She’s far too wild and unpredictable. However, I’m one of the few operators who can navigate her. I like to think it’s because she likes me.” He winked at me and then began moving again.

  “How long have you been working with her?” I asked. It felt a little silly, referring to the river as a woman, but a part of me admired Alejandro’s reverence of the river. He had personalized it, and I recognized the importance of that act in his eyes. Every time he came up or down river, he risked his life. It was his way of coping with the dangers inherent in his job.

  “A little over thirty years,” he said, grabbing the wheel and turning it slightly. “I used to be a stevedore.” At my confused look, he chuckled. “We were dock rats—unloading and loading up cargo. Shipping goods to Matrus and unloading goods for Patrus. But I was obsessed with the boats, and Jenny—that’s my wife—she told me to crew up.” He paused and shot me a look. “She’d tell you that she did it for me, but honestly, I think I drove her a bit crazy being around all the time.”

  I laughed at his bluntness. “Really? I think that’s surprising. You seem very upbeat.”

  The smile slid off his face like drops of water sliding down a window pane in the rain. “Nah… it’s not because I’m so cheerful, it’s because I tend to worry over her. She compares me to a mama dog hovering over its pups. I’m too protective.”

  It was a little strange hearing a Patrian man saying he was too protective over his wife. From what I had seen of Patrian marriages, men tended to expect the woman to jump through hoops and fulfill their every demand. Or at least, that was what the Matrus government would have us believe.

  The truth was, I’d only had a handful of experiences with Patrian males. Viggo was perhaps one of the more equitable males I had met. There was my cousin Cad, but I hadn’t spoken to him since he’d tried to help me smuggle my brother to safety. I wasn’t even sure if he was married, but I could imagine that he would be kinder to his wife than the other males of Patrus.

  The laws of Patrus considered women no more than property, and the rules for women were in strict adherence to that. They couldn’t even be in public without a male escort—if they were, they could be arrested, or even worse. I shuddered thinking about the Porteque men who had cornered me in the alley—my first encounter with those brutes. If it hadn’t been for Viggo’s interference, they would have dragged me off.

  I shook my head to clear my thoughts and shifted my gaze back to Alejandro, who was looking at me knowingly. “Don’t think about it, girl,” he said, but with a kind edge to his voice.

  “About what?” I asked, settling my hip against the rail I had grabbed onto to steady myself.

  “Whatever darkness that was dragging you into the past.”

  I flushed, both embarrassed and curious at how he could read me so well.

  “No need to get embarrassed,” he continued, and I met his gaze. “You remind me of a man I know. Probably the closest thing I have to a son. He’s arrogant and pig-headed at times, but if you can get past his prickly outer shell, he’s got a heart as large as this river.”

  “Where is he?”

  Alejandro’s face fell. “I took him upriver some time ago. I haven’t heard from him since.”

  I felt an echo of sadness in response to the older man’s tragedy. “I’m so sorry. Do you think… do you think he’s still alive?”

  Frowning, Alejandro shook his head. “No,” he said gruffly. “Nobody can live that long in The Green. But… have you seen any bodies out there, maybe? On your… expedition?”

  “I’m sorry,” I repeated, feeling stupid that I couldn’t articulate anything better. “I wish I could help you.”

  “Ah, don’t worry about it, lass. He’s a resourceful man—if anyone could survive, it’d be him. Besides… you and your friends lasted for a bit… how long did you say you were up there?”

  I caught a glimpse of the sidelong gaze he shot me and returned a bemused look. “All information regarding our expedition should be handled through Owen,” I replied, and he laughed.

  “You and my young man would’ve gotten along famously,” he said, his eyes sparkling merrily. “He was also great at keeping a secret.”

  We shared a smile before I turned my gaze out over the river. The deep blue hue had faded the further downriver we went. The trees and sounds of The Green were also starting to fade, and I knew that in a few hours, we were going to be in even more danger than before. Yet in that moment, even with everything weighing heavily on me, I felt a strange contentment rolling over me.r />
  It was the knowledge that I was finally doing something to help Viggo. Two weeks of waiting, trying to be patient when every day felt like the slow grinding of teeth. Now, in this moment, we were moving toward a goal where I could finally help him, and there was no turning back.

  Owen called my name. Turning, I saw him holding a bag and waving an arm, beckoning me over. I noticed that he had taken his mask off, and I turned to Alejandro, who was in the process of taking his off as well. Grabbing the straps of my own mask, I removed it, taking a deep breath of fresh air and releasing it with a small sigh.

  Then I moved toward Owen, hoping to finally glean more details of the mission ahead of us.

  5

  Violet

  As I stared at the bag in Owen’s hand, resentment and understanding warred within me.

  “Ugh, no.”

  Owen gave the sigh of eternal patience, and I resisted the urge to childishly stomp my feet.

  “Violet, even with the time that has passed, everyone will be looking for you. Maybe not as fervently as a few weeks ago, but your face will still be fresh in everyone’s minds. The bombing of that facility killed dozens of people and wounded dozens more. Patrians want revenge.”

  His words were reasonable but I hated the feelings that the contents of the bag were inspiring. I knew it was irrational—I had done it before, so it shouldn’t be such a big deal—but internally I was balking, trying to find another solution.

  Ultimately though, there wasn’t any, so I reached out and accepted the bag.

  Owen patted me on the shoulder. “Alejandro said you could use the small room down at the end of the galley to change. Amber’s already down there getting ready.”

  I turned reluctantly, heading for the small narrow stairs that led to the galley.

  I moved through the slender hallway toward the door at the end. There was a small kitchenette just before the bedroom, with a small table and stovetop neatly set up. I pushed open the door and found Amber slipping a dress over her uniform.

  I glowered at the dress while placing the bag on the bed and unzipping it. Sighing, I began pulling the folded items out and examining them. The suit was a simple gray—a little threadbare, but serviceable. A gray-blue button-down shirt and a black tie were next, followed by a fake beard and a small box of pills labeled Deepvox.

  As I set them out one by one, I felt a pang of déjà vu. The last time I had been in Patrus, Lee had given me similar items to help with his mission. Dressing like a man had afforded me more liberties around Patrus, but it had also carried a great risk. Any woman caught impersonating a male would face punishment.

  Not to mention it was downright uncomfortable. The opposite sex—especially the Patrian ones—were still a giant mystery to me. Acting like one was almost impossible, so most of the time I had tried to keep my head down and my mouth shut.

  Amber was looking at me inquisitively while I started unfolding the clothes. “It’s not your first time, is it?” I heard it as a question, but she said it as a sentence.

  “Nope.”

  “I hate it,” she said.

  “Yeah,” I agreed. It did make me feel better, knowing that Amber despised the costume as much as I did. I looked up at her. “Won’t your hair make you stand out?” I asked.

  Amber’s fingers shot up to the sides of her head where the hair had been shaved down. She cast me a crooked smile, and pulled a glob of hair from the bag on her side of the bed. “Ta-da!” she announced, waving a blonde wig around like a white flag.

  I chuckled as she plopped it on her head, winking at me dramatically. The hair, which needed to be brushed, chaotically fell around her face, making her look wild and deranged.

  “Come here,” I said, reaching over to grab the brush that was sitting by her bag. Dutifully, she sat down with her back to me.

  Carefully, I began brushing the wig. It was tricky to do, but I eventually made my way through the tangled mass. Amber sat patiently under my hands as I worked.

  “There,” I said, putting the brush down. She twisted around to give me a better look, and I nodded approvingly. The blonde helped to highlight the freckles across her cheekbones, and her normal aggressive appearance was gone, replaced with a pixie-like quality. “You look cute,” I commented.

  Her violet eyes tightened in annoyance, and I laughed. I moved back over to my costume and groaned. “My turn.”

  It took a while to get the padding sorted, but Amber helped me, and after about ten minutes, the curves of my hips and breasts had disappeared under foam and wool. Applying the beard took another few minutes. Owen had provided something a little simpler than I was used to—a goatee.

  It framed my mouth well, however, and I felt more secure that it wouldn’t fall off as easily if I smiled or laughed—not that I anticipated doing much of that.

  I tied my hair up and dropped a cap over it. I looked a little effeminate in the face, but overall, the disguise seemed sound. I was glad I was wearing my invisibility suit underneath it—it helped to alleviate a lot of the heat wearing the entire outfit generated. However, it would be impossible to shed the disguise quickly if I needed to use the camouflage function, so I made a mental note to keep a knife handy, just in case.

  Amber gave me a nod of approval once I was done. “Very handsome,” she declared with a mischievous look in her eyes, and I stuck out my tongue at her.

  We moved back through the galley and up the stairs. Quinn gave a little wolf-whistle when Amber reappeared, but Solomon smacked him on the back of the head, making him flinch. The men had already changed—they were wearing suits similar to mine.

  Owen threw us a thoughtful look, and then nodded his own approval. “It’ll have to do,” he said.

  Alejandro walked up. “We’re almost to the coordinates you gave me—are you sure you don’t want to be dropped off closer to the city?”

  Owen shook his head and offered Alejandro his hand. “No, this will be fine,” he said. “We have arranged other transport into the city.”

  Alejandro looked dubious, but reached out and shook Owen’s hand. “Be ready—I can only get within a few feet of the shore without risk of beaching her. You’ll have to jump the remaining distance.”

  “Yes—we’ve been through this before,” Owen reminded Alejandro.

  “I know, but it’s just worrisome to me—you’ve got two fine ladies with you.” He shot me a gaze and I swallowed under his scrutiny. “I’d hate for something bad to happen to them, if you’re discovered.”

  “Discovered for what?” asked Owen, his voice rising an octave in the appearance of innocence.

  Alejandro arched a snow-white eyebrow, and just shook his head disapprovingly. “You young ones think you have it all figured out,” he muttered. I wasn’t sure if Owen heard or even cared, but I had to smile at his words.

  I hoped this wouldn’t be the last time I’d see Alejandro. There was a depth to him, and it felt like he was a kindred spirit.

  Alejandro cocked his head and peered past Owen’s shoulder. “All right,” he announced, clapping his hands together. “Get your things, lads… and lady,” he said, dipping his head toward Amber. He also shot a wink at me, and I hid my smile behind my hand. “Your drop point is about two minutes away, give or take.”

  He sauntered back up to the pilot’s station, humming. I quickly got caught up with the rest of the group as we started inventorying our things and organizing the bags. I pulled my backpack on, tucking the mask into it.

  Then we all lined up on the bow. There was a wooden plank extending from the tip. Owen stood at the front of it as Alejandro steered us toward the shore. There would be no mooring the ship to disembark—we would have to jump over the water below.

  I felt my heartbeat accelerate at the thought—the water might be diluted here, but that didn’t make it much less dangerous if one of us accidentally fell in.

  Owen’s posture was seemingly free of that fear. He stood tall, one hand resting on the rail behind him, while the shor
e loomed ever closer. Then his muscles tensed and he leapt. For a second, he seemed suspended in the air, frozen in that moment of flight until time caught up, and he landed on his feet on the other side.

  One by one we followed, until only I remained. Solomon was waiting for me, so I took a deep breath and launched myself at him. For a harrowing moment, I thought I had miscalculated and that I would plummet into the murky waters below. But then Solomon grabbed me as my feet hit the soft earth, and he held me tight until I was stable again.

  Owen had already climbed up the steep hill and had dropped to one knee, surveying the terrain above. We waited in silence for him to give us the all-clear. I glanced back at the boat, but it had already turned and was moving away from us, downriver at top speed. I waved at Alejandro, but his back was to me. I felt a little sad that I didn’t get to say goodbye.

  Just then, Owen let out a low whistle, and we were climbing. We crested the hill and looked around—the area was wide open, with barely any trees.

  “Where’s our ride?” I asked.

  He gave me an apologetic smile. “About an hour inland. We’d better get moving if we’re going to meet them in time.”

  I grimaced, not looking forward to an hour long trek in my suit, and pulled my bag over my shoulder. I understood why Owen had made me change on the boat, but I resented the whole costume thing all over again.

  Owen took point and the rest of us followed. Amber was holding up her skirt high as she pushed through the deep grass in the field, and I smiled.

  Maybe my suit wasn’t the worst thing to be wearing out here.

  6

  Violet

  The sun was uncomfortably warm on my head. We had been sitting for over an hour, waiting for our ride to show up. According to Owen, they were late but on their way. There wasn’t much to do during the wait, so most of the group elected to take a nap. I refrained, mostly because I didn’t want to worry about my disguise getting messed up from sleeping on the ground. Owen had also refused, saying that his contacts needed to see him first so that they didn’t shoot everyone and ask questions later.