The Gender End Page 4

  The frown that seemed to perpetually be on Belinda’s face deepened, and I resisted the urge to mention that it was not going to make for attractive wrinkles later in life. “We’re just going to hang you when we get back to Matrus,” she said. “You know that, right?”

  “We can cross that bridge when and if we come to it. For now, all I care about is getting us back, and in order to do that, we’re going to need each other.”

  “Or I could kill you now,” she retorted. “Every second you’re alive represents a threat to me and Kathryn.”

  “Oh, get off your high horse, Belinda,” I grated out. “You both needed me just as much as I needed you back there. Kathryn’s arm and hand would’ve made what we just managed impossible, and you’d both be as dead as I would. I gave up the gun, and I’m willing to do the work, so get over it.” Liar, liar, I chided myself, thinking of the hidden guns, but I couldn’t do this without safeguards. I couldn’t trust these women as far as I could throw them.

  Kathryn sighed and shifted her shoulders slightly, her face looking less strained than earlier. “She’s right, Belinda. We need her too.”

  Belinda made an irritated noise, and then nodded. “Fine,” she said. “But you stay where I can see you.”

  I chuckled and shook my head at her, moving past her toward the bay and taking the medkit with me, just in case. “I’m going to check on my friend,” I informed her. “Feel free to follow, or not, but afterward, we need to figure out our next move.”

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  4

  VIOLET

  Solomon’s condition remained unchanged, but I added another blood patch to be sure, and on impulse, a sedative. I hated doing it—I knew there was a possibility of side-effects that could push him into shock or even kill him—but if he woke up before we could find a way to get back, he could do more damage to the ship, or himself.

  “Please don’t die,” I whispered to him as I slapped the sedative patch on his bicep. “I don’t think I could bear it if I killed you trying to keep you safe from them…”

  “You really talking to that thing?” Belinda asked, and I turned and saw her leaning against the doorframe separating the bay from the cockpit. “Seems to me like he can’t hear you.”

  “You don’t know that,” I shot back as I straightened up and grabbed another blanket from under the nearby bench seat, draping it over him. The bay was still cold, and it felt like it had gotten colder in the last half hour. I considered asking Belinda to help me move Solomon to the cockpit, but I knew she would refuse, so I didn’t waste the breath. “Besides, it’s Desmond’s fault he is how he is.”

  “Mm-hmm.” I didn’t react to the skepticism in Belinda’s voice, although it made me wonder if there would ever be any future in which I wasn’t looked upon by a Matrian woman with doubt and disgust. Probably not.

  I knew I needed to get myself out of this mess, but all I could think about for a moment was the fact that Viggo was falling farther and farther away from me each moment that went by. I wasn’t there to watch his back, which meant that when Elena came for our little resistance group—and she would—I wouldn’t be there to fight beside him.

  He was probably so worried about me.

  I sucked in a deep breath, trying to quell the rising sadness. This entire thing sucked, but it mostly sucked because, deep down, I wasn’t even sure we could get back. Belinda was right. No one had ever come back from The Outlands, not once, not any expedition Matrus, Patrus, or both had ever sent. And that thought sickened me, made me feel queasy any time it crossed my mind.

  Which was why I had to keep busy. I wasn’t about to give up, even with the certainty of death. I couldn’t stop fighting, because I had something worth fighting for. Viggo. Tim. Owen and Ms. Dale. Amber. Henrik. Solomon. Morgan. Thomas. Quinn. Cad and Margot. Mags and Alejandro. Jay.

  Oh God, Jay, I thought to myself, my heart aching. Please let Morgan have fished him out of the water… and the wound be a simple fix for Dr. Tierney.

  It had been less than a year since Queen Rina had sent me on that mission to steal back the egg, and somehow I had gone from being completely and utterly alone, to having a family larger than I could ever imagine. And I couldn’t abandon them.

  “Ladies.” Kathryn’s voice carried in from the cockpit, loud and urgent enough to catch my attention. I turned, and saw her once again peering out the window, her body blocking most of the view from my limited angle through the narrow hall connecting the cockpit to the bay. More light was creeping in, though. A glance at my watch through tired and dry eyes revealed that it was almost six in the morning.

  I moved toward her, pausing as Belinda slowly turned in the narrow hallway formed by the bathroom on the left. She stepped aside as we drew near, revealing… Nothing.

  And by nothing, I meant an absence of something. The ground below was colorful—I could admit that—the earth a blend of purples and blues I recognized, but on the ever-brightening horizon, I saw a contrast of golden and ochre hues, bright, richly striped, and alien.

  But there was nothing else. No trees, no creatures, no water. Nothing but never-ending earth touching the never-ending sky. There weren’t even hills. The land was as flat as it was desolate.

  “There’s nothing for us to orientate ourselves against,” Kathryn said softly. “Just a few stars in the sky, but once they’re gone…”

  “What about the computer?” I asked, turning. “You said it was still there, we just had to interface with it. The holotable—”

  “It’s the first thing I checked,” she said, shaking her head. “It’s damaged.”

  I frowned, and then looked around. “How about a handheld? Surely you’ve got one of those.”

  “Protocol says we leave them in Matrus. After your group managed to get your hands on some, we made certain… changes.”

  “Oh.” I wasn’t sure why that surprised me; I just hadn’t considered that they had developed countermeasures after we had gotten ahold of a few and hacked into them. Well, I assumed they would’ve changed frequencies and codes… but to eliminate an important piece of equipment? That seemed a bit of an extreme response.

  Then again, maybe it was clever, and I was just being bitter that neither of them had one. Or me, for that matter. But I hadn’t thought to take ours out of the car after it had been flipped over by an enhanced woman.

  A thought occurred to me, and I looked around again. “Did Desmond have a bag or something?” I asked. “She went through one of the guard posts we had taken. Maybe she took one of our handhelds.”

  Belinda made a face like she had swallowed something sour, and gave me a hard look. “Which guard posts?” she demanded.

  I looked at Kathryn and back to her, warning signals sounding in my head to proceed with caution. “Why?” I asked.

  “My sister was at one of those stations,” Belinda thundered. “So which one did you—”

  “I would have no way to know that. I’m not sure how you classified your bases.” I cut her off. I had to, or else this would escalate.

  Belinda’s neck began to grow red, and she took a threatening step forward. “You murderous cow, you don’t care who you kill for your little war, do you! You don’t know what you’re taking from us, and all we were trying to do was help the Patrians!”

  Kathryn stepped in front of her, awkwardly trying to soothe her while simultaneously backing up to keep Belinda from slamming into her and her broken limbs.

  I wished that would stop me from running my mouth, but it didn’t. Belinda had just hit one sore spot too many, and I would be damned if I was going to take that sort of comment at the expense of someone too ignorant to know what she was talking about.

  “Maybe your sister and all of those soldiers shouldn’t have been posted all around the city to keep people trapped while your homicidal queen had even more soldiers poisoning the water supply. Maybe then, she’d still be alive—she might anyway! My people don’t particularly enjoy killing.” I knew I shouldn’t hav
e said it as soon as it came out of my mouth, but being tired and angry was making my mouth move faster than my brain could keep up.

  “You are just like those women, those Porteque women we read about in the files,” Belinda hissed. “Trying to serve your Patrian man on his mad little conquest and stop us from helping those people!”

  I faltered, surprised at the sick and disgusting comparison—one so disgusting that it made me pause and consider, for a fraction of a moment. What if I was? I shuddered, remembering the one who had taunted me so long ago, and met Belinda’s gaze with a fury.

  “Never compare me to those women,” I said stonily, a violent rage blossoming to life under my skin. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “ENOUGH!” Kathryn shouted. “Belinda, I’m sure Francis is fine. Violet… I’m sure you feel you’re on the right side of things. But neither of those things matters right now! What matters right now is that we need to turn this bird around, and get home!”

  Her words—the same words I had been trying to get into them both not too long ago—slammed into me. Belinda and I had baited each other, and I’d lost sight of the big picture in the process, letting my pride get the better of me.

  Not that I regretted saying it. Nor did it stop me from wanting to plant a boot in her face. But at the same time, I hated all the death on my hands. As much as I blamed Elena, I also blamed myself. I had pulled the trigger. I had used grenades. I had pushed a man off a flying motorcycle, and I had set a woman on fire… every time making a choice—them or me.

  And I had nightmares. Awful, terrible things. And I knew I would carry them with me forever. Yet if that was the price I had to pay to put an end to the madness Elena had caused, then so be it.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, after taking a long moment to calm myself. “I sincerely hope we did not kill your sister.”

  Belinda’s mouth tightened, and she nodded. “I’m not sorry, but I’ll… try not to bring up the war.”

  It would have to do. Kathryn nodded to us both, and then sighed. “Now that’s over with, let’s see what we can do about that interface.”

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  5

  VIOLET

  Twenty minutes of brain-wracking later, I stood over Belinda as she carefully peeled away a wire’s plastic casing, using a knife I had provided from my boot. Belinda clearly hadn’t been happy about that, but hadn’t commented. I was trying to keep myself awake as we went through the mind-numbing task of attaching the multitude of wires to the handheld. Silence seemed to be the best way forward after our brush with violence, and I, for one, was grateful to contribute.

  She carefully pulled the wire, freeing a bit more slack from the panel it ran on, and then began to twist the exposed wire around a metal contact under the handheld’s hard plastic case. I dutifully held out the wire solder tool—a white tool with a metal ball at the end that emitted heat when the button was pressed, warming the metal end and melting the wire to the contacts on the back of the handheld.

  I was glad I had thought of it. Kathryn said otherwise the only option would’ve been to land manually (something she had added she wasn’t sure she could do without the computer to read elevation), but it had taken some time to find it. And now, it seemed it was going to take time to get the computer interfaced with the handheld.

  “Violet, I need you to flip the page.” It took a moment to register, but I leaned over to flip the page on the flight manual lying in front of Kathryn, ignoring the small stab of anger at how surly her tone was. Maybe it was petty, but it wasn’t like I liked this situation any more than she did.

  I looked up at her and realized she was sweating again, and I could tell the pain was beginning to overcome the patch I had given her. She fought through it, so I had to give her some respect—which meant I needed to let this irritation go. It could be that she was so focused on trying to carry through that she didn’t have time for politeness. And I would almost buy into that, too, if she weren’t giving the instructions to Belinda with all sorts of polite words, like “please” and “thank you.”

  As she began to read the next bit of instructions out loud to Belinda, prefacing them with a “can you,” I refrained from rolling my eyes in annoyance and moved away a few steps.

  A part of me was just frustrated that I wasn’t doing anything at the moment. We needed two good hands to get the handheld interfaced, which meant Belinda, and Kathryn was the only one who could quickly decipher the more complicated terms in the manual and deliver the instructions in a clear way. So until they were finished, I was sort of a third wheel. I had managed to do a quick inventory of our food, water, and any other supplies that might be useful, which had been frustratingly small, and then checked on Solomon. His condition was the same, as best as I could tell. God, I wished Dr. Tierney was here.

  Scratch that—I wished we were back there. Belinda and Kathryn included, if it came down to that. Sighing, I moved over to the window and stared out. The sun was now over the horizon, rising up over the edge and brilliant yellow in color. The light was so intense that I had to shield my eyes to block it out. The area below revealed itself under the growing dawn—bright yellow dirt, cracked and dry, like a mosaic on the floor. I’d never seen the earth such a color, so raw and naked.

  How could anything survive out here? Was this what we had sent all those explorers out to—bone-dry wastes where nothing seemed to move? I shuddered, thinking about what it might be like down there.

  I searched the wide expanse of the horizon and frowned when I saw a slim green line shimmer into sight just off to the right. Leaning toward it for a better view, I squinted and watched it approach, trying to decipher what it was as we drew closer to it.

  After a few minutes, I stepped back into the cockpit and away from the bright light streaming through it. “Hey, Kathryn, can you take a look at this?”

  “Uh, yeah. One sec. Just strip the wire and attach it to the third prong to the right. I’ll be right back.”

  I shifted to one side as the pilot moved into the window, her hazel eyes searching. “What is it?” she asked.

  “On the right. Is that a river?”

  She craned her neck, squinting and awkwardly holding up her hand to block the incoming sunlight. “Looks like it. So?”

  “Look at it. It’s heading in the direction that cuts farther north… What if that’s the beginning of Veil River?”

  She gave an incredulous laugh and leaned back, her laugh dying when she saw I wasn’t joking. “There’s no way that could be Veil River,” she said, her brow furrowing.

  “Why not? Maybe it feeds into it, or connects to it. It’s at least a landmark.”

  Kathryn bit her lip, her eyes staring out the window. “You’re suggesting we try to turn this thing toward the river?”

  I nodded, and she tilted her face up toward the ceiling, her eyes and lips moving silently as she performed some unexplained calculation in her mind. “We can only move at a fifteen-degree rate of turn right now,” she said after a pause. “We’d need to start turning now, but I’m not sure if we should prioritize it over the handheld.”

  “If we don’t do it now, we lose any chance of doing it after the handheld comes up. It’s a source of water—”

  “Which is probably toxic,” Belinda interjected, having climbed up off the floor to squint over the top of Kathryn’s head. “Especially if it leads to Veil River.”

  “It’s not,” I insisted. “I’ve been to The Green, where the toxic water is even more concentrated, and it glows blue. An unnaturally vibrant blue.”

  Belinda and Kathryn both exchanged surprised looks. “You’ve been to The Green? I mean, you’ve seen the river up that far?”

  I nodded and then shrugged. “It’s sort of a long story, and since it contains elements that will make Belinda angry, suffice it to say I sort of crash-landed there, got bitten by a centipede and chased by red flies, and nearly died a handful of times.”

  “Sweet mother,” Kathryn
whispered in horror, and no small amount of awe. I had to admit, it was kind of gratifying. If she was impressed by my survival abilities, then maybe she would be more inclined to continue advocating to Belinda for my continued place in the heloship’s confusing chain of command. She looked back out the window, and then gave a tight nod. “Let’s do it.”

  I quickly moved over to where the hydraulic pump and tubes still hung from the ceiling and began the process of pouring in more fluid. Belinda began unbuttoning the front of her uniform, shrugging out of it and revealing a thermal shirt, which she then stripped off, leaving a white tank top.

  The light pouring through the window was generating a lot of heat, and even I was beginning to feel the room warm up, but for now, I ignored it, keeping my layers on—they felt like my armor. Once the line was full, I nodded at Belinda, and began to blow as she pulled on the steering column.

  We repeated the procedure three times, just like last time, and each time Belinda was able to pull the column a few more inches over. The heloship deck tilted up slightly as she continued to hold it. I moved over to help her, the metal column vibrating with the strain of trying to hold the rudder and flaps without any hydraulic fluid to lubricate the mechanical gears.

  Kathryn peered out the window, and after several long heartbeats, she finally shouted, “We’re good!” and Belinda and I slowly eased off the column. The deck tilted back down as the turn evened out, and I moved over to the bubble. The river was now almost below us, to our right, as we hadn’t quite crossed it during our slow turn. It curved back and forth, cutting a wide, winding path through the yellow earth. Nothing grew next to it, but still it churned below, sometimes smooth, other times violent, almost white, but flowing with strong currents northward—the same direction in which we were now traveling.

  “I’ll keep an eye on it,” Kathryn said, and I turned, noticing that rivulets of sweat were pouring down her forehead. “I’m… I could use some water and a bit of a rest.”